My Three Sons: Long Arm of the Law

It started out innocent enough but ended with Matt's hands on the steering wheel, in plain sight, with the Sheriff's spotlight shining through our window. We were then encouraged to take it home. What a lousy way to end a romantic night out with my Prince Charming.

Jot that down

10/10

Jason singing: "You're a grand ol' flag, you're a high 5-ing flag."

Jared S.: "My mom has one of these but it's not like yours, it's waaay gooder."

9/10

David struggling to play a new song and hitting wrong notes: "What is wrong with this piano?"

Jason: "What are we having for dinner?"

Mom: "Pot pie."

Braydon very seriously: "We are eating Popeye the Sailor for dinner?"

David: "This is a sninch."

Braydon to Lainy: "Missed me, missed me, now you've gotta kiss me (pause) umm, I mean neener neener."

8/10

Kyler: "Your dad rocks this (game)."

Braydon: "Of course, he rocks the whole world."

Braydon in San Diego: "I think these Magnetix are cold too cuz they are hugging eachother."

Braydon: "I don't think my penis liked that bike ride."

7/10

Braydon: "Forget about a pillow pet, I want Aqua Sand. If there is girly stuff don't get it."

Braydon in the lava tubes: "If my flashlight dies I can just use my shoes." (light up)

Mom: "Do you want to play with ****?

Braydon: "He thinks he's cool, so no. It's so annoying."

Matt: "David, what are you doing?"

David: "Daydreaming. It scared the tired right out of me."

Boys & cousins playing on merry-go-round in Vernon: "This is wicked," "This is like a motorcycle with four seats," Is it just me or is mom getting smaller," "I'm the king of the world," I'm batman."

6/10

Jason: "Mom, Braydon called me s.t.o.o.p.e.d."

Braydon getting out of the car: "Man, did I wear my whitey tighties?"

Sharlee: "Do you know why I love your house? Because my heart keeps saying, Yay I get to stay here all day."

Braydon: "What in the volleyballs are you doing?"

I apologized to Braydon for yelling at him when he didn't respond right away to what I asked. "It's ok if you yell, mom, cuz I can ignore it."

All the boys: "Diahrrea of a whimpy kid" (diary)

Braydon: "I'm still hungry."

Mom: "Do you want a banana?"

Braydon: "Yeah. That might fill in the straight part but not the fat part."

5/10

Jason: "Mom, Braydon said a bad word."

Mom: "A bad word or a not nice word?"

Jason: "B.U.T."

Jason at Olive Garden: "I want the salad bad. I love salad, it's the best."

Braydon: calling Kit Kats "chocolate box yummies," should have been "should'ven," comfy "compy," Chevy "sheby," "does coffee make you cough?"

Mom: "Since when don't you like raisins?"

Braydon: "18 years."

Braydon: "I'm glad I'm not close to (being) an old grandpa."

Braydon: "Is this a nice movie?"

Mom: "Yes."

Disappointed, whiney "ahhhh" and put his head down.

Mom: "Cough that up, Braydon."

Braydon: "I tried and then it just appeared on my pants."

Braydon to Kyler: "On Star Wars 8...(leans over to Jason and whispers, "Is there a Star Wars 8?"

Matt: "Braydon asked me if he always has to swing with his shadow."

David: "What does mussed mean?"

Mom: "Messed up, like bed head."

Jason to mom: "Just like yours right now?"

David: "It feels like I'm growing a tiny beard."

Braydon: "I hate sweets and the devil." (My work is complete ;) )

4/10

David: "Hey, I'm in my boxer briefs."

Braydon playing with his toy dragon. "Do your business on him Drago."

Any child or all of the above at once: "Mom"

Mom: "What?"

"Made you say what."

(this became the annoying conversation piece anytime, anywhere)

3/10

Jason: "I don't like just having chicken nuggets and french fries. I need vegetables."

David talking to the chickens: "Hush little birdies don't say a wordies or the doggies will come."

Denton talking about his old house next door. "That doesn't look like a garage."

David: "I know. They took like a big piece of cardboard and then painted it."

2/10

Braydon: "This pencil is running out of thread."

Jason: "It isn't thread, it's wood."

Mom: "Do you want to play with Saydie or Rachel?"

Braydon: "No, they're girls and I don't like girls...except for my mom."

1/10

David: "My stomach is angry, angry, angry."

12/09

Matt blowing in Braydon's mouth. "It feels like whipcream."

Jason: "Mom, can we have some mushrooms in it? I mean some marshmellows in our hot chocolate."

Braydon constantly (and lovingly) calling Jason Jay-cee

Braydon: "*****(a friend) was in Mr. Lee's awesome. (laugh) I mean office."

Jason: "I verse you to a challenge."

Jason singing Kissing in a Tree and added on "that's not all, that's not all, here comes the baby playing baseball, football, soccerball, softball, bloodball."

David asked Braydon how he could get his guy fly in a Wii game to which Braydon replied, "you have to hold your breath."

David: "I was just doing my favorite thing while I was sleeping...math problems."

Mom: "I love you buddy."

Braydon: "I knew that."

Jason: "Trevor got a new dog from California (pause) or China, I can't remember."

Braydon: "Mom, if we have another kid can we name it Blitzen or something?"

11/09

David on his baptism day: "Do you know what woke me up? My heart is jumping two inches higher between when I turned 8 and today."

Mom: "David, what's your phone number?"

David: "***-****

Mom: "Jason, what's yours?"

Jason: "The same."

Braydon: "1234567"

Braydon very seriously with a slight cowboy drawl: "There's trouble in that slide...a bee."

Jason: "Mom, with my own salsa I can triple dip and double dip and single dip. Right? Aything I want."

Braydon: "Did you know that Kyler teached-ed me to sneeze my ABC's before?"

Jason: "How do you spell right?"

David: "Erase the t."

Braydon: "Hey David, erase this buuuurp."

10/09

I showed David the professional picture taken in my baptism dress and he asked if it was "the old fashioned kind." Then he saw my 8 year old school picture and said, "Hey you have buck teeth too."

A year ago we got chicks and the boys named them. One was quite skittish and always escaped so she became Rascal. Then Rascal turned out to be a true rascal, a rooster. Braydon: "One of Rascals wives is getting a drink."

Matt: "Do you want to know my definition of a good day? Having gravy for all three meals." (biscuits for breakfast, turkey & potatoes for lunch, roast for dinner)

9/09

Braydon: "It's not a tree house, it's a rain security center."

David: "I'll eat anything I can get my hands on (pause) 'cept dirt, trees, metal, wood, plastic, glass."

Braydon asked me if he could do something and I made a beep wrong answer sound. The next day I asked him to do something and he said beep.

Braydon was singing a Diego song, "ah resconte amigo to arrest my friend." I told him it was "ah resconte amigo to the rescue my friend" and Matt giggled and said it was "al rescate."

8/09

David's class earns stamps for good behavior, homework turned in, etc. and they receive a prize for each 1o stamps. He became instantly hooked and so far has received the maximum each week.

"I thought maybe if I did something that she didn't ask that I'd get a stamp so I put them in alphabetical order but she said no."

David came home from the 1st day of school and said he had the best teacher in the whole 2nd grade! Whew, what a relief.

Braydon: "Mom, this will be funny. Five little monkey's swinging on the monkey bars, one fell off and bonked his head. (half-hearted laugh) That's what I did."

David: "I'm going to be done with my homework in a jiffy 'cuz something is kicking in my brain."

FHE lesson on trying to do things like Jesus would. I asked what Jesus would do if there were mean boys picking on someone on the playground. Braydon said, "make it rain on them."

When Braydon woke up he walked out of his room licking his lips. "Dad, I always put my tongue germs on my lips so Lainy doesn't kiss me."

Matt sent me a text saying that Braydon blessed me and Sis. Sta-the-wy to come home safely.

7/09

While playing Don't Eat Pete, Matt yelled "Don't eat Linda." Braydon followed suit by saying "don't eat squirty pants." The whole family said ew in chorus.

Braydon eating a jolly rancher: "It tastes like slimy worms with salt and pepper and leaves and snails and pieces of boots."

Braydon burped and then waved his hand in front of his mouth and said, "I don't remember eating that." What??? Turns out he was quoting Toy Story 2.

6/09

Braydon: "Sometimes Lainy jokes me up. It means slap a cake on my face."

David: "I can read The Book of Mormom backwards. Mormon of book the."

Braydon coloring: "This is a rocket that's going to blast off. In fake life, mom."

4/09

David and Dad arm wrestling

David: "How come you keep beating me?"

Dad: "Because I'm twice your size."

David: "Yea, but I'm close to your strength."

Jason started busting up when he heard an advertisement for a private tutor. "A private tooter?!"

Braydon came in crying with his puppy, Jump the Fence Into the Pool, and said, "Mom, Jason was going to push Jump the Fence (pause) into the pool.

Braydon: "Mom, can you put another (water) jug on?"

Mom: "We don't have another jug. What time is it?"

Braydon: "It's time for a drink."

3/09

David: Just outside of Payson, "Soon my ears are going to start buzzing."

St. Patrick's Day: "It's a good thing I wore green. I wouldn't want to get punched in the nose."

Dad: "Hey, Jason, where's your tape measure?"

Jason: "Right here. Where's yours?

Talking about going to the reptile zoo with Grandpa

Jason: "I don't like snakes, they sting us."

Mom: "They'll be in cages."

Jason: "Really big, heavy cages that are hard to get out of?"

2/08

Braydon sneezed while holing my sock and said, "Oh, sorry 'bout your sock, Mom."

3/08

I got Braydon down from the toilet and hold him "good job." He said, "Good job wiping my bum, Mom."

Braydon: swimsouP (swimsuit) Heavy accent on the P

3/09

Braydon: "Do missionaries have guns?"

Dad: "No."

Braydon: "Can robbers hurt them?"

Dad: "Yes, but Heavenly Father usually protects them."

Braydon: "Does Heavenly Father have a gun?"

Jason was wiping off the table and David came running over to show him the turtle pokemon Matt glued back together.

David: "Jason! Squirtle is fixed! Don't get him wet, (giggles) even though he's a water type."

Overheard from the other room.

David: "Dad I saw you kissing Mom for like 15 minutes."

Dad: "15 minutes?"

David: "Well, like 15 seconds."

Dad: "Yea. I love Mom."

Jason: "Me too. She gives me treats and money when I'm good and do stuff for her."

David came in a few minutes later and said, "Mom, I saw you and Dad smoochy smooching for like 15 seconds."

1/09

Jason opened his napkin and said: "Alright! two forks. Just in case one gets dirty."

David: "Mom, Braydon spit on me."

Jason: "Me too."

Braydon: "Me neither."

Jason: "Mom, Braydon hit me."

Braydon: "That was my sword, we're playing Power Rangers."

Jason: "You don't have a sword."

Dad: "Ok, Bossy".

Braydon: "I'm not the boss. I'm just a kid and I'm in charge."

Braydon wasn't feeling well so I kept him home from church. I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. He said, "Yes. Handy Mandy (Manny)." "How about a church movie." "No. A home movie. Handy Mandy is a home movie. We watch church movies when we come from church. I'm home so I want a home movie."

12/08

Jason (wrapped in a blanket): "Hey David, I'm a warm."

David: "You mean a worm?"

Jason: "Yea, a warm."

David: "No, a worm not a warm."

Jason: "Yea, a warm."

David: pokemon 'involves' into, training cards, side kick type (psychic), round young version (virgin)

Braydon: ax-ly (actually), nite-ning ma-King (Lightning McQueen), sour cheese (cream cheese & sour cream combined), damage broken (always used together as if one word)

I ran over to a friend's house for some emergency help with my sewing machine late one night. I went looking for Braydon and found him wedged under the bed wearing mittens, his flannel jammies covered in white hair.

Mom: "What are you doing?"

Braydon: "I'm trying to get the kitty."

Mom: "She's hiding. She doesn't know you."

Braydon: "Yes she does. I'm Braydon Allen. She can say that."

Eating dinner at a Mexican restaurant, the servers brought out cake and sang Happy Birthday to a customer. David said he wanted to spend his "birthday at this place." Jason said he wanted to go back to Chuckee Cheese and Braydon said Kyler's.

Braydon & Jason have been trying to put letters together and spell words.

Talking to Matt. "I think I saw a r-a-t in the garage today."

Braydon: Mom did you see a p-y in the garage?"

Jason: "Let's fight!"

Friend Bo: "Fighting is following Satan."

Jason pointing to the huge bump on his head, "Gooses they lay eggs and they layed an egg right here."

David hurt Braydon for wrecking his lego tower. When I told him to take a time out he said, "But Mom, I worked so hard on it. It took me five minutes to make it."

He later read the paper I wrote it on asked Dad why I thought that was funny.

11/08

Jason sitting cross legged said, "Mom, my legs are folding their arms."

Cousin Kyler B.: "We have cow poop in our grass. Do you?"

Jason: "No. We have dog poop in our front yard."

Braydon: flushies (shaved ice), peanut butter and sandwich (learned from Jason in May), Hide & Go Sink, automatic (magnet)

10/08

We passed a park on Sunday full of people which started a conversation about why some people keep the Sabbath holy and others don't. David finished it off by saying, "I still don't know why people don't believe in God."

Mom: "Go stand in the corner."

Braydon: "How many minutes? Two?"

Mom: "How old are you?"

Braydon: "Three."

Mom: "Three minutes then."

Braydon: "I mean I'm still two."

A conversation between David and Becky P. while driving home from school.

David: "Yea, I love Lauren and she loves me."

Becky: "Oh, really. How does your mom feel about that?"

David: "Oh, we just found out today."

9/08

David to Jason "You already did it; you can't say just kidding."

Braydon to me, "You didn't warm them up, you hot them up."

8/08

During playgroup at our house Bo S. had to go to the bathroom. When he came back he said "Did someone take my playdoh, Braydon?"

"No, I betected it."

7/08

David: "Ouch my leg hurts."

Mom: "Why does your leg hurt?"

David: "Right, left, right, left ev-er-y day."

While praying for Cousin McKinzie, Braydon would always say, "Bless McKinzie's heart to stop beeping." It's a good thing Heavenly Father knows what he means.

Mom: "Did you drink this."

David shaking head yes: "It just smelt so good, I couldn't snap myself out of it."

David talking about baby Coleson: "I think he's thinking about good food. Water's coming from his mouth."

6/08

After sneezing multiple times Jason said to me, "You have a lot of issues."

Humble David while playing Mariocart Wii, "1st place again in all of them? Come on. I rock!

Whoohoo! Our team won because of me!

6/07

Jason: "Mom, do you want to play taxi?

Mom: "Yes."

Jason: "OK. When you spy a taxi...then you spy it."

5/07

David came in from playing out back and asked to me get a piece of paper and write something down for him:

"I was swinging and then I saw a bunny that was by the yellow grass and it was by the gate of the yellow grass. And then it went to the neighbors yard and then it came back to the yellow grass. I went looking for it and I couldn't find it and then I found it and it scared me. Then it ran to the front yard."

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Long Arm of the Law

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